The VP

Revelation Time!

2011-04-13T17:27:00.000-07:00

I just had an Epic revelation. So Epic I had to blog it out!

It always annoyed me how Yoda talked. What is with his predicate-subject speech pattern? Was the English curriculum written by a dyslexic at Degabah High? Did all the years of breathing noxious gases in the swamp warp his fragile green mind. For years it always gnawed at me. Why the hell did he talk like that?

Then, due to his dire needs to escape poverty George Lucas made 3 more Star Wars. Yet it still did not answer my question. In fact it answered none of the questions I wanted, or cared to know about.

I didn't care that Yoda had to seek refuge in a swamp. Did I need to know that Boba Fett had daddy issues? Nope. Was it really necessary for me to see Chewbacca's humble beginnings? Nope. Darth Vader needed a ventilator because he got in a fight? Who cares! I just want to know why Yoda talked like he did!

All these loose ends seemed to make the old movies less special for me. They took out all the fun of using my imagination to ponder these intergalactic queries. My revelation? The new Stars Wars movies sucked! It took me a decade to figure it out.

At least they didn't try to solve one mystery for me: the origins of Admiral Akbar. I like to think that he failed out of film school, took a job ferrying moon shirts between galaxies, then through his skills evading customs caught the eye of a rebel leader. Plausible? Maybe. Winning? Yes.

Sweet!

2010-08-04T11:22:00.000-07:00

RIP DIO

2010-05-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

Was his music super cheesy? Yes.
Did it have weird images of scourers and demons and what not? Heck Yes
Was he the first to use the metal "horns"? Hell Yes
Not matter how hard I deny it, is "Holy Diver" one hell of a catchy tune? Fuck Yes
It was a great run Ronnie...started as a mere mortal in Cortland and ended as Metal God.
RIP

Who loves his wife...this guy!

2010-03-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

One of the most annoying things that can happen when you are running late for work is to get behind a driver going 20 mph below the speed limit. What makes it even worse is when they have an asinine bumper sticker.

The aforementioned scenario (listen to me, I sound like George Will!) happened to yours truly recently. The bumper sticker: "I love my wife".

What is the need for this bumper sticker? I love my wife too, but I don't need a bumper sticker to show it. Is this guy a total douche, and has to put it on his car to please his wife? Did he sleep with hooker? Does he occasionally forget, but when returning from the grocery store, the back of his car reminds him? WTF! I don't doubt that this ass bag loves his wife, I just don't care. It makes me want to remove my "Follow me to Jimmy's Pizza" bumper sticker from my New Yorker a decade ago. All this was going through my head at 30 mph on Route 9!

But what made it worthy of being posted on my blog was this; after passing the car, I glanced over, and this is what stared back at me:

Ahhhhhh! I think it was Gene Shalit! Or a really ugly woman! What ever it was, it freaked me out! I couldn't focus on the road! I have just typed numerous exclamation points! I managed to survive physically unharmed, but mentally I was a mess. I still have that vision of Shalit seared in my brain. Damn You Gene Shalit, you've done it again!

Sweetness!

2010-02-24T18:38:00.001-08:00

I would love it if Admiral Ackbar was my team's Mascot!

Purple and Gold

2010-01-23T06:17:00.000-08:00

There is no way the Vikes can lose this weekend. No, it has nothing to do with Brett Farve's "River Boat Gambling" or Pat Williams ingesting a small child to help him stop the run. It's all Prince baby. The number 1 Vikings fan's new "Purple and Gold" anthem is his hottest work since "Bat Dance". With a jam like this, the Aint's have no chance...unless Harry Connick Jr. steps it up. Owwww!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-20T09:21:00.000-08:00

Still Deciding whether Bob Dylan's new Christmas Album is a joke. You Decide...

The Fly

2009-12-19T13:45:00.000-08:00

The best story about male urination I have heard on NPR all year!

Joey Greco

2009-11-04T16:33:00.000-08:00

Who is this guy? Is he superhuman?Where did he come form? Why is he so awesome? Any relation to Richard Greico? So many questions, so little time!

Seeing the Future

2009-10-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

Sure, Mike Blowers can see the Future...

But so can Bob and David!

Shocking

2009-09-23T16:25:00.000-07:00

I am not shocked that Plaxico Burress is the newest inmate in the New York state correctional system. What shocked me yesterday was reflecting on his name. What kind of a name is Plaxico? Were his parents drunk when they named him? I don't think he even likes it, he named his kid Ellijah.

On a side note, if we have a boy, Plaxico is low on the list. The picture above is when I broke the news to him mid game last year. Notice the disappointment. Sorry, buddy.

The Curse of Kevin Mitchell?

2009-08-25T11:09:00.001-07:00

It has been a bizarre year for the Mets. They have continually found ways to lose. From missing bases to dropping balls, the Mets have found creative ways to lose. But Sunday's unassisted triple play was the worst, and the strangest.

As I was listening to NPR's all things considered yesterday, they had a story about the play. Let me repeat that: On NPR, between stories about CIA interrogations, Iranian diplomacy, and worthless GM stock, they had a feature on the Mets, and the play. This season has reached epic, embarrassing proportions. I never want to hear about the Mets on NPR, unless it is part of back to back to back world series championships. So in otherwords, I don't want to hear about the Mets on NPR for another 236 years.

In truth, since 1986, the Mets have been more bad than good. It seems we are cursed. The curse of Kevin Mitchell, traded soon after the world series win? Perhaps. That or maybe poor management and players. That is a more likely explanation.

While I can recall other years that have been worse, this year has been the strangest. Howie Rose yesterday said maybe Mets fans will look back at this year and laugh, like the early Mets under Casey Stengel. Perhaps, but now I am laughing as much as if I was watching a CBS sitcom. That is not much my friends.

More shirtless Pute!

2009-08-06T18:14:00.000-07:00

Those crazy Russians, they can't get enough of this guy...and neither can this blogger! Sometimes, I wonder what Steve Guttenberg would be like as president. I think I just found out. This is what America needs in a leader. Not some 31 bowling namby pamby, but a real warrior. Bravo, Vlad. And bravo Russia, you got a real leader over there.

It's Raining Cats and Dogs!

2009-07-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

This summer, my hard working wife painted both a cat and dog as part of public art displays in Catskill and Hudson, NY. Not only is she good at pushing a plow, she is good with a paint brush too!

So if you are in the Hudson Valley this summer (and who isn't?), stop by these lovely towns to see not only her work, but the other artists feline and canine creations.

Billy Mays

2009-06-30T07:47:00.001-07:00

I must say, out of all the celebrity deaths this week, I found Billy Mays the most shocking.

Look at the others. Michael Jackson, while surprising, was not a shock. Some reports had him at 112 pounds (While others, like the Hulk, said he was in great shape)! Either way, dude wore a mask when he went out side. Something wasn't right there.

Farrah Fawcett fought a courageous battle with cancer. Ed McMahon was 86 and in declining health. Again, sad but not shocking.

But for some reason, I found Billy Mays the most shocking. I thought all those TV pitchman were invincible. Jack LaLanne is 124 thanks to his juicer. Vince from Shamwow can pick up 10 times his own weight in liquid. I am convinced Ron Popeil is a robot. An awesome robot. And who can forget this guy?

And Billy was in a class by himself. The Beard. The Thumb. The Voice. The Pitch. I'll admit, while I have never bought anything from an infomercial, but I have watched many of them. And Billy was the best. He never resorted to Double entandre or beating hookers. He was clean (thanks to OxiClean) and Classy. Like a young Gute. I though a magic combination of OxiClean, Magic Putty and Auger kept him alive. I was wrong. RIP Billy.

Red Dawn Remake

2009-06-17T16:18:00.001-07:00

WTF? OMG! LOL! ROTFLOL! DTNWWWASVLOL (Dude there's nothing wrong with wearing a sweater vest)

Gay Marriage...Enough Already!

2009-05-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

Please Allow me to get on my soapbox.

I am sick of the Gay Marriage debate. It is so out of control, I can't stand it. Both sides should shut up. Perez Hilton...Idiot. Right Wing Christian nut jobs...er, nut jobs. What really irks me is the sky is falling, end of America as we know it statements.

As I was enjoying my lunch today, I was thumbing through my latest issue of Time magazine and it hit me: Enough Already! We have such bigger problems. It seems every time I read letters to the editor in the paper/magazines, it always has a pro/con letter. The ones in Time are the epitome of the ones that annoy me.

The pro argument basically stated "We (a heterosexual couple...perhaps Brangelina?) won't marry in solidarity of our Gay brothers and sisters." How F'n heroic. You are civil rights visionaries. You know who were heroic? People who risked their lives in civil rights movements. People who faced dogs, hoses, and bombs to change things. Not people who want to impress their like minded douchey Friends. Get over yourself.

The con argument was just a stupid: "Gay marriage represents the end of traditional family values...the breakdown of traditional family values is our country's biggest disasters." Huh? WTF!I'll give you some of our country disasters that are a little bigger than potential Gay marriage and the breakdown of family values:

Slavery
Natural disasters ala Hurricane Katrina
9-11
Jim Crow Laws
Back to the Future 3
American Indian Policy of the 19th century
The Last 2 Mets seasons
Internment Camps

I could go on and on, but I am experiencing a pounding headache from all this thinking. The "breakdown of family values" is greatly exaggerated. How about divorce? I think that did more to breakdown the family then this would.

We have such bigger problems in our country now to worry about: North Korea. Economic Disaster. Iraq. Iran. Afghanistan. Terrorism. The Environment. Shirts on Steve Gutenberg. Hell, I even think the Gitmo issue is more important/interesting. Gay marriage should be way down the list. I have my opinions on it, but I don't think they are relevant. I feel the media/letter writers/religious right/far left/etc. should focus their energy on other issues. More important issues. Issues that effect more than 1% of the population. I am not saying we should ignore issues that I (and probably most) don't care about, but I feel now is not the time to worry about this trivial stuff. Maybe in a few years when we have the luxury to debate this crap. But hey, it sells papers and magazine. I am adding to it. Dammit!

I am off my soapbox.

It's Garden Time!

2009-05-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

Spring has Sprung! That's right folks, Its right around Memorial Day, and that means the 2nd annual VP Garden.

Last year was a roller coaster. Promising beginning, unfortunate hail storm, recovery, and harvest. We have learned from last year, and hope that this year is going to be even better. I have prepped, tilled, de-rocked (who am I kidding, I'll never stop the rock!), fenced, and engaged in many other assorted tasks to get ready.

Due to economic uncertainty, gardening seems to be the all the rage. I like to think my goal of self sustainability is ahead of the curve. While this goal isn't in immediate sight, it is coming ever so close.

Some things we hope to grow this year include:

Beets
Broccoli
Carrots
Beans
Squash
Corn
Shirtless Steve Guttenberg
Tomatos
Egg Plant
Lettuce
Love and understanding
Hair Plugs for Ronnie James Dio
Pumpkins
Peppers

Heres to a bontiful harvest!

RIP Saratoga Winners

2009-05-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

After all the bands that promised to "tear this fucking place down"...It finally happened But no, it wasn't Krokus or Man o' War. It was arson.

Last week, Saratoga Winners burned down. For those of you who don't know, Winners was a club/bar/dump in the capital region.

What is funny is "Saratoga Winners" wasn't located in Saratoga at all. It was over the Saratoga County line, in the Town of Colonie, in Albany County. Oh yeah, and it has a Cohoes mailing address. One of the best things was when a band would say "All right Albany/Saratoga/Cohoes" and we weren't in Albany/Saratoga/Cohoes at all. We were in Colonie.

Actually, I am suprised that it lasted this long, it looked like it was going to fall into itself for the past 10 years. Instead, it burned down.

I have many memories of the place, and most involve heavy metal of some fasion. Heavy Metal Memories. Those are the best kind

My last sight of Winner was actually a couple of weeks ago. I commented to my Wife as we passed by "That place looks like it is gonna collapse in itself". Oh how I was wrong. It burned. What is wrong with me?

Its kind of weird. I'm becoming that old guy that says "I remeber this place called winners, and Life of Agony rocked that place." And then some pimple faced freak will says "You want fries with that?" I'm riffing now!

Any way, so long Winners. Its been good to know ya. We can't replace the everlasting memories. And by I evedrlasting memories, I mean shirtless dudes dancing!

Live From the Man Corner

2009-04-23T17:39:00.001-07:00

Not in My record collection...yet. Check out the small furry animal. Rumor has it that the singer ate it after the shoot. I made up that rumor.

Live From the Man Corner

2009-04-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

Most great thinkers have a retreat. Thoreau had Walden Pond. Hemingway had Key West. I am sure Locke had a favorite bus station. Adam Smith? Easy..."Wealth of Nations" was certainly written during breaks from watching Cock fights. The VP? The man corner.

The man corner is that special place. It has a Lava Lamp, mini Stonehenge, incense burner, spanish pistol lighter, gun stock lamp, Rheingold Mets coaster, various magazines and 80s baseball cards, a Record player, and a couple hundred records and 7 inches. Some fools have a man room, all I need is a corner.

Right now I am drinking a Genny Bock and Listening to "NOLA" by Down. Great Record. At first, my plan was to convert all my records to MP3s. Now, that looks like it isn't gonna happen. First of all, it would take to long. Second, I think it would take something away from the records.

What is cool about my records is that 99 percent of them I have only on Vinyl. No CD or MP3. So in order to listen to them, it is a process. The great part is that it is hard to get sick of a record, but cause it takes that much more to access them. It is an experience. What else is on the Agenda for tonight? Some Black Sabbath, Soundgarden, and maybe a random mid 90s hardcore 7 inch. I know my 3 readers a jealous.

Hopefully this isn't that last time I post from here, because the potential has yet to be tapped. The Genny on the other case...

I Google? More like YOUR Google!

2009-03-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

I am on the cutting edge of Technology. I have a cell phone. I twitter. I have a refrigerator. I have indoor plumbing. I am a 21st Century man.

I also have an I-google page. Its pretty cool. I have links to all the website I follow. I have some widgets. I can keep tabs on blogs.

And I have a theme. But this is where I-google, as in MY google lacks. Really, the themes are What I want? Hardly.

Where are the Steve Sanders theme? 80s baseball? Schultz and Dooley? I can't find one for the band Krokus, or the flower crocus. There are so many shows that can have a theme for. Alf, Billy, Family Ties. No Gute, Lowe, or Busey. Sure I have a Super Mario theme, but no Burger Time. I could go on and on, but I am still looking for a Tron theme.

Time will tell when I google becomes My google.

Shirtless Gute's Riffs

2009-03-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

" I don't know what the deal is with this Jason Segel character. Enough Already! We get it, your tall and goofy, and at times have your funny moments. It already happened in the 80s...his name was Judge Rhienhold. And he was twice the talent of you, kid. Judge Rheinhold. Look it up. Dudes name was Judge. Who names their kid Judge? Freaks (and maybe geeks...topical people, Gutes all about being topical) thats who. Then again, my parents never gave me shirts. And now look at me. I am H.O.T. That spells hot Segel. Look it up! Question: What do The Judge, Me and Richards Simmons have in Common? Hotness"

Under Siege

2009-03-15T17:32:00.001-07:00

I know your thought process. You thought from the title that this would be a topical post about something in the news today. The economy, America, taxpayers, etc... are all "under siege". You are wrong my friend. This post is about the movie, "Under Siege" starring Segal. But you know what? He didn't make this flick. In fact, I doubt he has ever "made" a movie. This movie is about Busey and Tommy Lee Jones. The Mullet and the Mouth. What an under rated combo.

I like this. I want more off this. I got more of this in "Under Siege 2". But it wasn't quite the same. Instead, we got a cruise ship, that chick from "My Father the Hero", and an uninspired Segal. Maybe if Buse and Tommy Lee weren't killed off in the first one, we could have got a repeat of that good ole "Under Siege" hotness. Instead, we got a big, steaming pile of Segal doody. And that stinks more than GM's recent stock performances (there's topical for ya!).

But I prefer to Remember the good times. Here's to you "Under Siege". Here's to you.

Your With Me, Leather

2009-03-03T15:11:00.000-08:00

Just a few days ago, I was decrying twitter as useless and asinine. To prove my point, I am setting up a twitter account.

Another reason? To record my (and others) hilarious and slightly disturbing "Before and After" text messages of celebrity names. Like Chris Berman used to do, only funny. For example: Cedale "Seven Mary" Threat. Bobby "Rapist" Witt. "Shirtless" Steve Gutenberg. You get the idea.

To see for yourself, look at the side bar. Or you can add me as a twitter "friend" and see my twitter updates. Enjoy!

Sweet Links

2009-02-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

Andrew Cuomo and Consolidation....I like this!

I like this too!

This,not so much...but maybe it has a silver lining.

Who wants to Sex Mutombo?

They Just don't make 'em like this anymore...

2009-02-27T17:08:00.000-08:00

The Kids with their 360's...they are missing out!

No Respect

2009-02-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

I like my Hardcore like I like my women. Short, Heavy, and to the point. Well, now that I think about it, that in no way describes ECB. Or my taste in women.

But I do like Danger Field, the hottest band out of South CP since Gain. They are how I like my hardcore.

This ones for you Abe...

2009-02-14T16:28:00.000-08:00

Did you know that "Old Dan Tucker" was one of Abe Lincolns favorite tunes? Now you do! So in honor of Abe's 200th, I am gonna send this one out to you, Abe. Some where I know your tapping your foot and smiling.

Point/Counterpoint : Joaquin Phoenix... Nuts or Hot?

2009-02-12T17:03:00.000-08:00

Point: Joaquin is Nuts
by: ECB

After watching his recent interview on Letterman, I would like to state that Joaquin Phoenix is in fact, nuts. Here are my reasons.

1. He went from looking like a cornered animal to looking like he was asleep at different points during the interview.

2. His disheveled appearance... totally NOT HOT Joaquin!!!

3. Sighing heavily and sneering at the crowd instead of talking.

4. Not seeing his own movie or knowing who wrote the story that the movie was based on. LAME!

5. Not remembering his co-star's name. (Gwyneth Paltrow)

6. Drinking whatever was in the mug like it was delicious Grape Kool-aid.

7. Having no fun stories to tell Dave.

8. Not laughing when Dave said that the kid in the front row was drunk off pepsi. Hello, obviously hilarious!

9. Getting scared by Paul Schaeffer's laugh. There there, Joaquin, he won't hurt you, even though he does wear funny space age glasses.

10. Putting his gum under the desk... and then grabbing it after the interview. Didn't he listen to Santa's advice? It's not free candy!

11. He's not able to introduce a clip for his own movie, yet he noticing a small cut on Dave's finger. Maybe he's a vampire and smelled the blood.

Wait! I have a few more....

After viewing his imdb record:

12. Not being in any more Murder She Wrote episodes.

13. Being born! Just kidding. Let me finish! Being born to Children of God Missionaries. That just sounds like a recipe for a mental patient.

Lastly, Bill said that his name used to be Leaf...

14. Why would anyone change from a sweet name like Leaf to Joaquin, which is hard to spell. I hate leaf blowers.

Counter Point
by the VP

Well said ECB. But allow me to retort. First of all, the beard: Hot. Have you seen that thing, it makes Brad Pitt's beard look like a middle schooler with a gorilla mask. I for one, grow a hideous beard, and Joaquin's is totally rad. I would give up re-runs of Webster to grow that thing. He should change his name from Leaf to Sampson.

Next. The interview. So it was slightly awkward. So who hasn't had those before...they are called job interviews people. Am I wrong? Give the guy a break. If I was that close to Paul Shafer, I would be weirded out too. That guy looks like a freak. And he wrote "Its Raining Men". Who knows whats going on in that guys head. How do you say "Get away from me creepy bald guy" in Canadian?

And Finally, the Rapping. Hott with a capital H and two T's. This guy makes Jay-z look like Freedom Williams. Joaquin has it going on! He can flow and has the moves. Don't tell me you don't have that song stuck in your head now! You go J.

So in conclusion, Joaquin is Hot, not crazy. Would a crazy guy grow a beard, walk away from a successful acting career, and be ridiculed just to be a half assed rapper that is being chased around by Ben Afleck's brother? Doubtful. This guy is living the dream my Friend. Beard, rapping, hotness. What more could a guy want?

Not Cool

2009-02-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

The new show "Better off Ted" on ABC has nothing to do with Ted McGinley. Lame.

File this one under awesome...

2009-02-01T09:23:00.000-08:00

Howie Do it may be the best idea ever for a television show. You got Howie Madel. You got hidden cameras. You got hilarity! Who ever said network t.v. is stale and behind the times? Not me! I know what I am doing for the next 3 Friday nights before this is canceled. Who wants to sign my petition to change the name of Friday to Howieday? Anyone?

Mood: Pissed Off

2009-01-27T19:37:00.001-08:00

Why the hell didn't I get this Christmas card? I hope it was lost in the mail. I repeat...I hope it was lost in the mail

Gutten Plenty

2009-01-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

Searched for Guttenberg on You Tube and I...Gutte in my Pants!

As if Fabio wasn't enough...

2009-01-24T13:45:00.000-08:00

...Geese are responsible for the flight that went down in the Hudson. I say its time we get rid of these high flying bastards!

Everything Zen...I Don't Think So.

2009-01-23T18:09:00.000-08:00

You know what song I heard today? You guessed from the picture and the post's title, Bush's crap-tacular "Everything Zen".

I hear this song on the radio waaaaayyyyy too much. Today I heard it on "Radio Woodstock". The other day I heard it on "The Real Alternative" WEQX. I have also heard it this week on "The Edge". Whats next, "Oldies 94.4"? "The Wolf" 17.9?

Has commercial radio gotten so horrible, and the play lists so narrow, that this song is still in realtivly heavy rotaton? Sadly the answer is yes. I just don't get, no matter what the genre, this song sucks on it. Because the song just plain sucks.

Sure in 94, I liked the song for about a week. I was also 14. Haven't people moved on? These stations are supposed to play modern rock. Is modern now the last 20 years?

When I turn on the radio now, I cringe when I flip around, just because I may hear this song. Man, sometimes I wish they would play "Glycerin". But sadly, this is the only Bush song they will play in 2009. And the suits wonder why no one listens to terrestrial radio anymore.

My idea of hell? A radio station that plays "Everything Zen" on repeat. Based on the current state of radio, that will be a reality in the year 2013.

Let the (VP)eople decide!

2009-01-20T16:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Governor Patterson:

I have been following intently as you decide who will take the now vacant senate seat that was formerly Hillary Clinton's. And I am going to be honest: The choices are not good.

Caroline Kennedy? Like...you know...really? Not only is she inarticulate and under experienced, I don't think she could spell Schenectady.

Andrew Cuomo? Better. I like his ideas to consolidate NY government, but I would rather have him stay in NY to fix our problems at a state level.

And who are the rest? Carolyn Maloney, Steve Israel, Kirsten Gillibrand, and Thomas Suozzi are some names floated around. Only Gillibrand has any real understanding of upstate...but if you appoint her, who is gonna taker her present seat? She just won the most expensive house race in history. She needs to stay put.

Another name I saw express interest was Fran Dresher. Things have gotten out of control if the nanny is throwing her name in the ring. Allow me, however, to stir things up more: my candidates.

As you will see, all of these candidates understand the unique problems of upstate. They are all (mostly) natives. And they all carry that all important "name recognition". And most importantly, the VP approves!

So here they are, the VP's candidates:

Christian Laettner

Pros: Buffalo Native, cool under pressure, great hair, graduate of a prestigious university

Cons: may be too tall for the capital, questionable attitude

Christopher McDonald

Pros: Romulus High School grad, played Shooter McGavin, was in Breakin' 2: Electric Bugaloo, cousin of worlds strongest man, Bills fan

Cons: Can come off as pompous

Rachel Ray

Pros: Upstate Native, strangely attractive, Female, connections (Oprah, that guy from Taste), seemingly endless energy

Cons: Annoying as all hell, possibly a robot

Chris Jansing (Kapostasy)

Pros: National television news reporter, was a reporter in Albany for 17 years, great legs, Poly Sci major

Cons: Wasn't born in NY, Browns fan

Tom Cruise

Pros: Born in Syracuse, opinionated

Cons: Crazy, Huge Douche

Pete Seeger

Pros: A legend, stands up for what he believes in, loves the Erie Canal, knew Woody Guthrie

Cons: older, not into electricity

Pat Riley

Pros: NBA champ as a coach and player, great hair, Schenectady Native

Cons: May be more into South Beach than Sylvan Beach

There you have it Dave, my short list. If you need more names, there are plenty of upstaters willing to do the job.

Yours Truly,

The VP

Sweet Links

2009-01-19T08:18:00.000-08:00

This guy is really into seafood!

Cops: Amsterdam man busted after seafood scam

IT STINKS!!!!!!!!!! (Guest Blog)

2009-01-18T08:24:00.000-08:00

Hello. The VP has asked me to do a guest blog. I finally conceded. I guess you could call me the 2nd Lady. Here's what I want to talk about. Things that stink! I always thought that Jay Sherman had a good attitude about life, "It Stinks!" He is so right! There are many things that stink in this world... Here is one:

Leaf blowers! BOO!

It always angers me when I see people using a reverse vacuum to push leaves off of their sidewalk, driveway, or worse! THEIR LAWN! I'd like to understand the necessity for these things, but I just can't. I don't believe in wasting energy to take the leaves off of your grass in the first place. Leaves belong outside in your yard. That's why they just come right back in when you are finished. At least rake! Raking seems like a better option if you can't stand the sight of leaves in your yard because at least you are getting a little exercise and hearing the nice scratching sounds of rounding up your multicolored offenders. Leaf blowers are the most ridiculous invention ever! The only time that a leaf blower was used for a worthwhile purpose is when I saw a band using them to float streamers and confetti through the air. That was cool! Maybe they just weren't marketed correctly? Maybe this guy could sell leaf blowers the way they should be used:

Other things that stink? Blogging and this post. To Quote Jay Sherman: "It Stinks!"

Now Playing at theater near you

2009-01-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

Mookie Wilson's War

The true story of how 80s baseball star Mookie Wilson, with the help of Alvaro Espinoza, helped start a war in Uzbekistan to rid the country of corrupt leaders.

Feliz Academy

Starring Pedro Feliz and Steve Guttenburg. A Shirtless hunk and a middle reliever bring peace and justice to a small town.

Gooden Burger

Dwight Gooden, Keenan, Kel and whole lot of blow!

Jeoffry Leonard Part 6

Not only was 1987 NLCS MVP Jeoffry Leonard a star player, but he doubled as an ostrich riding CIA SPY.

Hrbek to the Future

"Pants? Where were going Kirby, we don't need Pants!"

Cey Anything

A noble third baseman and a beautiful valedictorian fall in love the summer before she goes off to college.

Holy Diver

2009-01-12T18:12:00.000-08:00

Been diggin' this Dio cover by Killswitch Engage:

But I don't think it can touch the original:

Do you think Dio came up with this concept himself...or he had an outside guy? Perhaps Felini? Kubrick? Gute?

Ya Know...

2009-01-04T17:13:00.001-08:00

Are you kidding me? I would make a joke, but Caroline Kennedy already made herself into one.

Top 3 Shirtless Celebs from 2008

2008-12-31T11:39:00.000-08:00

Lowe

Gute

Pute

Happy New Year Everybody!

Top 20 music from 2007/2008

2008-12-29T16:30:00.000-08:00

Electric City Paul gave his list of Top 10 releases from 2005 and 2006. 2007? He was in transition. So it will be included in these lists.

Why do I keep these lists from year to year? Because I hate to hear people say"I don't like any new music". There are many great releases from a wide variety of artists year after year, both new and old. You might not hear new stuff on the radio, but it is out their waiting to be found. You might not like the stuff I like. Thats fine. But just remember, there is good stuff out their. Find it. Make your own list.

2008

Killing the Dream - "Fractures"

Reminds me of Cave In and Modern Life is War. A great Combo.

Blacklisted - "Heavier than Heaven, Lonelier than God"

Deathwish is my favorite current record label. They put out the best Heavy music out there. And they are named after a Charles Bronson movie. Blacklisted is no exception.

Tom Gabel- Heart Burns

Made up for Against Me!'s let down that was "New Wave". I am digging this. Back (Almost) to the accoustic roots.

Black Keys - Attack and Release

I like the White Stripes. How could I not like this?

Gaslight Anthem - 59 Sound

One of the Best new bands out there. Easily Accessible for fans of Bruce, Tom Petty, or Against Me.

The Carrier - No Love Can Save Me

Another great Deathwish band.

Metallica - Death Magnetic

You know what made Metallica great? 8 minute songs and solos. They are back.

Thursday/Envy - Split

My surprise of the year. Thursday continues to progress musically in a good direction. Love the addition of a keyboard player.

Polar Bear Club - Some Things Just Disappear

This weekend, I saw the best of Rochester. This year, I heard the best.

Vampire Weekend - S/T

Paul from 10 years ago would hate me for liking this.

2007

White Stripes - Icky Thump

A return to form. "Effect and Cause" is brilliant.

Soul Control- S/T EP

Great hardcore from RI

Gaslight Anthem - Sink or Swim

My favorite Album of the past 2 years.

Explosions in the Sky - All of the Sudden I Miss Everyone

Have they ever released anything bad? Answer: No

Smoke or Fire - This Sinking Ship

Great Punk release from these guys

Akimbo -Navigating the Bronze

Heavy, Heavy stuff. The drumming is insane.

Andrew Jackson Jihad- People Who Eat people are the Luckiest people in the world

Best name of the year.

This Is Hell - Cripplers EP

Any band that does a CIV cover is ok in my book.

108 - New Beat from a Dead Heart

This band called in quits way to early. This helps make amends.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Living with the Living

Good, fun stuff. Would this be pop - punk?

Top 5 Christmas Movies

2008-12-25T17:43:00.001-08:00

5. Varsity Blues

"I don't want your life!"
4. Gremlins

Phoebe Cates = Hot.

3. The Muppet Christmas Carol

The Muppets make everything better

2. Elf

Will Farrel's performance is great in this movie. I would say he was perfect for this role, but imagine Gute in this role. Think about it

1. It's a Wonderful Life

I love this movie. If you have never seen...what the heck is wrong with you? Sure, its sappy, but still manages to be really touching. Also, did you know Bedford Falls is based on Seneca Falls?

12 Great Covers

2008-12-17T17:21:00.000-08:00

I noticed today while on the treadmill, I had a lot of musical covers on my play list. Then i got thinking so more...what am i going to make for lunch tomorrow? Tuna or Peanut Butter? Then I thought some more...what is JP Losman going to do once he is out of football? Teach palates? Style hair? Then I got back to the music thing, why not make a list? I lead an exciting life. So here is today's list:

12 of my favorite music covers on my Ipod

12. "Into the Void"

Soundgarden covering my favorite Black Sabbath song. The opening riff is epic! Almost as Epic as Chris Cornell's flowing black mane!

11. "Bombshell"

Death Threat covering Operation Ivy

10. "Ghostriders"

Me First and the Gimmie Gimmes covering the Johnny Cash version of this traditional ditty. The video is sweet because it has the muppets in it.

9. "Holy Diver"

Killswitch Engage covering Dio. I have to admit I hate Dio, but love this version. His not so much.
The video is pretty awesome though.

8. "You ain't Going Nowhere"

The Byrds covering Bob Dylan. Now that's facial hair!

7 "Blinded by the Light"

Manfred Mann and his "Earth Band" covering Bruce Springsteen. I don't have this on my ipod...yet!

6. "Please Please let me get what I want"

The Deftones covering the Smiths.

5. "Am I evil?"

Metallica covering Diamondhead. And with a name like diamondhead, you know they were good. The solo at the end is killer.

4. "Halloween"

AFI covering the Misfits.

3. "Plainsong"

Cave In covering the Cure. Can't find a version of it, but trust me it is awesome.

2. "Death Letter"

This is when I knew the White Stripes were great, when they covered Son House at the Grammys. That takes balls, and shows great influences.

1. "Wagon Wheel"

Against Me! covering Old Crow Medicine Show covering Bob Dylan. Amazing.

Top 10 Gute/Keanu Movies

2008-12-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Icy upstate! Since I have been forced to abandon Valatie (for today at least), I thought I'd entertain you with my:

Top 10 Best Keanu Revees/ Steve Guttenberg Movies

10. Pointbreak

Keanu, Swayze and Busey in the same movie. AKA Heaven!

9. Short Circut

Is it just me, or is this movie under rated? You got Gute and the always hot Ally Sheedy. And don't lie and say you don't say "Nice Software" when you see a good looking dame!

8. The Man who wasn't There

Guttenbutt!

7. Varsity Blues

This movie will always be in any top movie list I ever make. I don't think Gute or Keanu were in this movie...but imagine if theye were!

6. Cocoon

Damn Gute was in some good movies!

5. Speed

You'd think that Keanu would dominate this list...but he is only going to have 3 movies on this list. At the time I thought Speed was cool, but I was 15. I don't think I will ever watch it again.

4. Diner

The only reason this is on the list is for the 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon connection. When that game was all the rage (man the 90s ruled!), this was the movie that you could always turn to. I have never seen it.

3. Police Academy

Classic Gute.

2. Three Men and a Baby

I know I have harped on this but...Greatest Cast Ever! You got Gute. You Got Danson. You got Seleck. You got Perfection.

1. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

I always rail on Keanu, but this movie still makes me laugh today. He really nailed the performance of Ted. Whenever I see Keanu in a movie, I always think of this movie and how perfect he was in this.

I also wonder how he became such a huge star. Whenever I see him in some Hollywood blockbuster I always think subconsciously "that's Ted!". But maybe it is this performance that vaulted him into stardom? I mean, it was an awesome movie!

Bonus: Top 10 Worst Keanu/Gute Movies

10. The Big Green

It's about soccer. It's a Disney movie. Bad combination.

9. The Matrix

I don't care. I am going to say it. This movie sucks! At the time I thought it was OK, but it spawned so many bad sequels, and so many bad clones of this movie. It there was an award for stiff acting, Keanu would win in a landslide.

8. The Replacements

I hate to admit I've seen this...about a half dozen times! It was always on cable in college, and my roommates who shall remain nameless always watched it. And I was always too lazy to get off the couch and leave the room.

7. 3 Men and a Little Lady

What sellouts! I always thought Gute was about the art. But it shows you it isn't always about the art. They ruined a perfectly good thing.

6. Little Buddah

The only good thing that came out of this crapfest was this.

5. Johnny Mnemonic

In college, my Art professor made us watch some of this, and some how related it to art. I now have a very warped view of art.

4. Airborne

Gute as an action star? WTF?! This Airborne is much better.

3. Hard Ball

Inner city kids learn about baseball from Keanu. And about themselves. Or something like that. All the makings of a masterpiece.

2. Constantine

How the hell did Keanu become and action star. Better yet...how did he become an actor? Can anybody tell me that? Anyone?

1. Devil's Advocate

Spoiler Alert: This movie Sucked!

This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Not only to you have ass bag Al Pacino as his glorious stereotypical self, you have Keanu donning one of the worst accents ever heard on film.

I thought this was a comedy when I saw it, but I think I was the only one laughing. Pacino's the devil...what 4 year old didn't figure that out?

Top 5 Presidents

2008-12-08T13:10:00.000-08:00

I ran into Martin Van Buren the other day.

I know what your thinking, "that's nothing new, you always talk about your adventures with him in this blog". But that, my friends, is called poetic license.

But back to my encounter. I was at the bank the other day in Kinderhook, and a MVB impersonator was handing out Martin Van Buren dollar coins. I had a nice conversation with Marty. We talked about the Red Fox, and I admitted Marty isn't my favorite president. Only number 2. Which is a perfect segway for my:

Top five presidents

1. Abe Lincoln

You know what my Favorite Scene from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure is? When Abe spells his name and Ted;s dad says "I know how to spell Lincoln". It get me every time.

Note: Abe has always been my number one. That Taft thing was a joke.

2. Marty

I have always admired Marty. Now he is finally getting his due.

3. George Washington

A brewer and a patriot! A by brewer, I don't mean this guy. Or this one . Few know that I was a pallbearer in a re-enactment of his funeral at Mt. Vernon when I was 19. Even fewer care.

4. FDR

A real stand up guy. Wow. I went there.

While we are on one liners, here is one from Bex: "I heard Bear Grylls hurt his shoulder today while filming his show. He hurt it carrying his luggage to his hotel"

5. Chester A. Aurthur

That's interesting man, thats interesting. He was the "Dude" before "The Dude". Man.

Top 9 Celebrity Sightings

2008-12-04T16:20:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't love celebrities? What if there weren't celebrities...what would peoples talk about and have in common? The answer is nothing. One of my best ice breakers is "did I ever tell you about the time I shook Dennis Kucinich's Hand?" People love it! And I'm sure you'll love my list of:

Top 9 Celebrity Sightings

9. Dennis Kucinich

It was a cold winter day in Schenectady's Stockade when I walked by the former (and thankfully now current) Authur's Market. At this time, it was called "Authur's Market and World Village Cafe", and it sold a lovely selection of second-hand Hannaford goods. Needless to say, a crowd there was rare. So much to my surprise the place was packed. And for good reason. None other than DK was making an appearance, just in time (a year and a half) for primary season.

I was initally scared to go in, judging from the crowd inside. But with a little encouragement, I entered. There was the man himself, looking nothing like the lilliputian I imagined. He spoke a little, answered a few questions, was handed a homemade pamphlet, then proceeded to work the crowd. I waited patiently, and was rewarded with a firm handshake. I even mentioned that I voted for him in the 2004 primary (by golly, I did!). He thanked me, and asked me to vote for him again. And when I stepped in to the voters booth this spring, I had Dennis on my mind. He got 1 out of my 5 delegates. Your Welcome Dennis.

8&7. Thora Birch & Michael York

Again, Schenectady was the scene for star gazing. This time it was 2 of Hollywood's brightest (near) stars. As I have re-told this story numerous times, I'll spare you the details. But now I know where to hang out when Police Academy the Musical comes to Schenectady...The Parker Inn!

6. Manute Bol

I have always been a Shawn Bradley man, but seeing this Giant of the Hardwood was thrilling none the less. At a Fairfield - Siena game a few years back, the score board showed a lone giant sitting in the upper deck. He had a few rows to himself. I recall spotting him and thinking "That can't be Manute?!" Looking back, that was kind of stupid because what other giant African that has clansman playing college baskeball could it be? George Muresan?

5. Alec Baldwin

Did you know that at one time not everyone had cellphones? One of those people was not Alec Baldwin. During my first visit to New Orleans in the year 2000, Alec was chatting away on a cell phone outside of a restaurant in the French Quarter. I have yet to confirm if during this call he referred to his daughter as a pig. I am still trying to lobby the NSA for these records.

4. Bernadette Peters

Don't know who Bernadette Peters is? Don't worry, I didn't either. But after being nearly blinded by the stench of her perfume, you bet I know her now. It made sitting through "Guys and Dolls" that much more painful.

3. Elliot Spitzer

I almost forgot about this, but Bex got her picture taken with Elliot Spitzer at a political rally. And I quote "I made him take off his socks" Hi-yoooooooooo!

2. Janet Reno

By far the swingin'est celebrity sighting, the picture I had with Janet still sits in my family's living room. She actually gave a great speech, and I left impressed. I was also impressed when she shook my hand and lifted me above her head. Then...we danced!

1. Jim Kelly

Again, New Orleans is the sight of my most infamous celebrity encounter. On a memorable spring break, me and the West Utica Double Deuces decided to see what Naw'lins had to offer.

While we were in line to a bar, a very homely man pushed me out of his way to get in. I was pissed. My thoughts raced. "who was that mongoloid who so rudely pushed me out of the way. And why was is he so familiar? Where do I know...It's F$cking Jim Kelly! What a douche bag!"
I couldn't believe it! After all the crap I went through as a Bill fan! Do you know how much grief I got for my number 12 jersey. And this is how i was re payed, so rudely pushed out of the way. WTF!

It got even worse while we were inside. We were seated next to him! He was so loud and annoying that his wife got pissed and stormed out.

Well I got news for your Jim Kelly. If I ever see you again, I have man that advised me what to do in this situation. Take it away Sheik!

List 2- Top 7 Mr. Show Sketches

2008-12-02T17:02:00.000-08:00

Even before I got started on my list, I have already gotten requests! As the VP is a man of the people, I am much obliged to present:

The VP's top 7 Mr. Show Sketches

#7 Monsters of the Megaphone

Thank You!

#6 Mount Everest

Bex's favorite

# 5 East Coast vs. West Coast Ventriloquism

I ain't no professor pickles!

#4 Josh Fenderman

Greatest Dance Ever!

#3 Renouncing Sin

#2 Wyckyd Sceptre

This most definitely NSFW

#1 Nostradamus

You are rock n' roll personified!

Note: It would be 10, but i couldn't find "streak dome", the Oasis Parody, and the one where David plays the extra who got a lobotomy

Top 12 Condiments

2008-12-01T14:41:00.000-08:00

As anyone who has ever seen a Hoff fridge can attest, the VP is into condiments. Who needs drinks, meats, cheeses, vegetables and the like in a fridge when you can just load up on condiments and let the man upstairs sort out the rest?

So the first list I present to you in this month of lists is

The VP's top 12 favorite condiments:

12. Soy Sauce

Who hasn't ever gone to a Chinese take out restaurant and grabbed 406 packets of soy sauce? Admit, it's not because your cheap (though you may be), its because Soy Sauce is fantastic.

Great on: rice, beef, chicken, stir frys.

11. Taco Sauce

Think about it...have you ever eaten a Taco without Taco sauce? While you search your memory banks, I answer it for you. You haven't. The Veep? I like it like shirtless Guttenberg: Hot, Hot, HOT!

Great on: Tacos, Burritos, Mexican Rice

10. Chili Sauce

Bex has an aunt. Lets call her "auntie". She makes a sauce. Lets call it "Awesome Chili Sauce". When "auntie" makes "awesome chili sauce" the vp gets very excite.

Great on: Hot Dogs, Sausage

9. Horseradish Sauce

You ever go to Arby's and get "Horsey" sauce? Well basically it is mayo with a spicy horseradish kick. No horse at all. Don't get me wrong. It's still good. Its just not horse.

Great on: Roast Beef, Turkey, Congealed Arby's sandwiches

8. Vinegar

You know, I used to laugh at the Europeans (and Canadians) for putting Vinegar on their fries. Not any more my friends. Not any more.

Great on: Fries

7. Blue Cheese

Did you ever see that movie where Brad Pitt gets Blue Cheese on his beard and Shirtless Rob Lowe delicately wipes it off? I have...in my mind!

Great on: Chicken Wings, Salad, Beef O' Flaherty (Colemans in Syracuse)

6. Cocktail Sauce

To Quote Homer Simpson: "It looks like Ketchup, It tastes like Ketchup, But Brother...It ain't Ketchup!"

Great on: Shrimp, Fried Clams, Fried Scallops

5. BBQ Sauce

My favorite BBQ sauce? Dinosaur BBQ. Great on Chicken, Beef, Chili, Pork. It's like Stacy Augman: Versatile. Its unlike Stacey in that it's not plastic.

Great on: Chicken Nuggets, Chicken Fingers, Chicken Tenders, Chicken Beaks (just checking to see if you are paying attention)

4. Mayo

You ever notice how the longer I type, the less I have to say about the stuff that is higher on the list?

Great on: Sandwiches of all kinds

3. Mustard

I just counted, and i have presently 2,201 varieties of Mustard in the fridge. I got it with beer, with honey, with spice, with Horseradish, with wine, well... with just about anything

Great on: Cheese, Salted Meats, Hot Dogs

2. Franks Red Hot

You know there are people who prefer Tabasco to Red Hot? You know what I call them: Insane. Or southern. I use the term interchangeability. Just kidding...calm down Mississippi. But in all seriousness, Red Hot is the hot sauce.

Great On: Chicken Wings, Pizza, just about anything

1. Ketchup

I know there are a lot of ketchup haters, but I ain't one of them. An old friend since childhood, ketchup has never let me down. And also did you notice both Keanu and Ketchup start with "K". Coincidence? I think not!

Great on: Burgers, Fries, Hot Dogs

Thanksgiving

2008-11-30T17:59:00.001-08:00

I could list all the things I am thankful for, but thanksgiving is over. So instead, I am going to give you a treat that you will be thankful for all of December: A month of lists. That's right folks, all December I will share my lists of favorites/bests/worsts/ect. all month long. It's better than Turducken!

Check out the side bar...

2008-11-23T14:34:00.000-08:00

You can check out what books I have read, what blogs I frequent, and what music I'm bumping. You know you want to be like me!

Name this movie....

2008-11-14T19:27:00.000-08:00

The movie starts with ____________ being re-recruited by the CIA to save the world from an evil vegeterian who brainwashes animals to kill people. The film ends with _______ infiltrating the vegetarian base, fending off the vegetarians with magic meat he received from a gypsy, freeing the captive animals and flooding the base using dish soap. He escapes by riding an ostrich on the roof of the building, with the ostrich flying him down.

10 Schrute Bucks to the person who can figure this one out...

V-Day

2008-11-11T17:41:00.000-08:00

Frank Buckles, at 107, is the last surviving veteran of the first world war. That is just amazing. Hats off to Frank, and all vets, on this day.

Still not convinced

2008-11-10T12:49:00.001-08:00

Chinese Democracy will be released and Dr. Pepper for all. Something isn't right. I know this is some kind of trick by Axl. No Dr. P for me!

The VP abroad

2008-10-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

The VP recently took his first international trip (I don't count our friendly neighbor the north, its only a 3 hour drive), and boy was it an experience! I can assure you, the Emerald Isle will never be the same.

I couldn't believe the vast cultural differences:

It's not ketchup....It's red sauce. Boy was my face...er...red!
They drive on the left side of the road (like freaking maniacs!)
The outlet to plug things in are just plain weird. 220 volts? Thanks a lot Tesla, and I don't mean the band
In Ireland, Fries are chips. And chips are crisps. Oh the humanity!
No wood fires, just the sweet smell of turf. It smells almost as good as a burning tire.
Get this, American Idol isn't that in Europe. It's pop idol. WTF?
In Ireland, Soccer is football, but football is Gaelic. I hope Mark Lodish was informed.
Beans for breakfast? Yes please!
Guinness is kind of a "big deal". Didn't see that coming

But enough about my Andy Rooney style observations, Y'all want pictures. Here are a few, with funny captions:
The only picture of me and Mr. Guinness on the trip

ohhhhhhhhh...you have to be careful on the cliffs!
Me and Companion protecting the City of Limerick
The King and Queen
Cows
Get your hat out of the way, I'm trying to take a picture of the happy couple

The only time it didn't rain...when we left!

"Say Hi to Your Mother for me"

2008-10-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if "Marky" Mark is actually joking that he wants to punch Andy Samberg in the nose, or if he's serious. I think it is because "Marky" Mark has no sense of humor and takes himself so seriously, part of him wants to show America how "hard" he is. But the fact is, he once did show America how hard he is:

And also, is it just me or is "Marky" Mark the dumbest nickname ever? There is a reason people well never forget Mark's funky days...because he was a huge tool! Sorry Mark, some mistakes you never stop paying for! Feel it, feel it!

Mystery... the Anti-dude

2008-10-13T18:40:00.001-07:00

It takes a lot to bring the anti-dude back. That was so last blog. But this douche made me do it. For those who don't know who Mystery is, consider yourself lucky. This guy literally brought my blood pressure up by 30 points because of his doucheness. Who the F*ck does this guy think he is?

So many things make me irate about this guy. First of all, who the hell calls them self "Mystery"? What is he a F$cking magician?! And this picture isn't a joke, he really wears that $hit! He wears these ridiculous hats, makeup, charms, and goggles. What is he, a 1920s aviator? Is he the Red Baron?

Imagine you happen to be at a club where he walks in. First of all, if you are at a place that this guy is in, get the f$ck out, because it must be a douche factory. But if you are still not leaving, you would piss yourself laughing at this guy. He looks like a clown. Why does he have binoculars, did he just get back from bird watching? Is he in Enuff Z Enuff? I would literally have an asthma attack laughing at this guy, and I haven't had one of those since I was five.

It baffles me that this guy has a T.V. show. This guy really picks up women? He looks like Scott Stapp wearing an Austin Powers Halloween costume. He must have some really strong drugs to pick up women.

I am so angry right now, I can't even think up a conclusion to this post. I am having so many feelings, and they aren't good. Did Mystery slip something in my Genny, because I think I am going to black out. Damn you VH1. Damn you!

Humbled

2008-10-10T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'd vote for this guy

Gerald Ford

2008-10-09T18:40:00.000-07:00

Now that was a VP! You Betcha!

Newman left his mark...

2008-09-30T13:53:00.001-07:00

At the Iron Horse in Hudson

Shea Goodbye

2008-09-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

Hopefully we won't be saying goodbye today! Lets go Mets!

My New Favorite Baseball player

2008-09-23T18:16:00.001-07:00

Micah Hoffpauir is a player on the Cubs. It is pronounced HOFF-POWER. The VP abides.

Marty is still making news!

2008-09-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

Check out this article about a new presidential folk art exhibit at the Fenimore Art museum in Cooperstown, and its relation to MVB.

Reason I love the internet 5243

2008-09-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

I only have one word to describe this video: Freaking Awesome!

Ben Kingsley as Ian MacKaye from Minor Threat is one of the coolest things I have seen on the net in a long time. Even better than this! It gives a whole new perspective to one of my favorite songs of all time. Top ten I tell you!

You've Got Keanu!

2008-09-16T16:54:00.000-07:00

Remember a few months back when we learned of Scarlett Johansson's email correspondence with Barack and "Roll Part II (Hey!)"? It turns out that it wasn't just Scarlett who had Obama in their address book.

The VP has obtained text of a top secret email Keanu sent to Barack "live". Who knew Keanu had an agenda?

"Barack-I write you with a clean mind and a clear conscience. I have done some research on you, and feel we might have a mutual goal we would like to obtain when you ascend to our nations highest office.

Did you know that Keanu is Hawaiian for "Cool breeze over the mountain"? Let me repeat that: IN HAWAIIAN! You guessed correctly...I am of Hawaiian descent, just like your self. We both have caught ten, gotten leid, and listened to Don Ho into the wee hours.

Since we both have spent time in paradise, I know that you desire to make Hawaii a state as much as i do. So I implore you to make that happen when you are president.

I know the logistical and practical nightmares, but a man of your intelligences can easy solve those to make this a change that we all believe in.

Some say "Hawaii is so far from the mainland, it will never work" You can tell them "Ever hear of airplanes and the internet nancyboy?!"

Others will say "What about the flag...we already have 50 states, we would have to add another star?" This will no doubt be the most difficult problem we face. But you know what? Who says we can't get rid of one! I nominate Vermont. They are close to Canada, full of hippies, we already a republic at one point, and some of them still don't want to be American! What a bunch of ingrates. I say if they hate our freedom, screw em!

Imagine...Hawaii as a United State. It has a nani (beautiful) ring.

Please B, Make this dream a reality!

P.S. can you also get me a belated but much deserved Oscar for my stunning tour de force that was The Devil's Advocate?

If my wife had a blog...

2008-09-11T13:20:00.000-07:00

It would probably include this video of Romulus bred Chris MacDonald, America's strongest man. It would also include rants about leaf blowers. Pictures of pugs. Gardening tips. Videos of the Iron Sheik humbling people. Sympathy of the plight of the Amish. She might even try to start a blog war with the VP.

But we can only speculate, because the only blogging she does is in her head. It's our loss.

Rock N' Roll Personified

2008-09-03T14:14:00.001-07:00

Another VP

2008-08-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

John McCain picked Sarah Palin as his VP. Good choice. She can get the women vote and all 3 of Alaska's electoral college votes. But you know what? John Could have done better:

Imagine Rick Ta Life on a horse as the VP. He obviously has horse riding experience, would look great all "duded" up, and has financial skills from running the worlds largest Hard Core distro. I think the ball was dropped on this one.

Hoff Space

2008-08-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

WTF?! Damn you HASSELhoff. I am still and will always be the Hoff. You are not the Hoff. Until you offically change your name, I am going to seek a restraining order. Not Cool Hasselhoff. Not cool at all.

The VP?

2008-08-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

As some of you may recall, my early endorsement of Barack Obama helped vault him to the Democratic Presidential nomination. As the Democratic convention draws near, Barack is still sans VP. Since I am a self proclaimed "VP", my advice could be of some use The Barack. I am sure Barack will be contact me shortly with some ideas, so here are some suggestions B. Consider this a preemptive strike!

Bea Arthur

Getting the older, Jewish, female vote is key (Florida is always a key state). And with Bea you have a triple threat. She is a well know liberal, and tough as nails! No Republicans would mess with Bea, unless they want a swift kick to the solar plexus. People always talk about Hillary as a strong female candidate, but no one ever thinks of my girl Bea. Until now.

Shirtless Rob Lowe Picture

A big concern for Barack is restoring credibility internationally. Well, Europe would no doubt bow to the shirtless pic. Lowe. I mean, look at it, It is sweet! All Barack has to do is wave around the picture and BAM the euro is worth one tenth of a dollar. It has that kind of effectiveness. Believe me

Gute

C'mon, tell me you wouldn't vote for an Obama/Guttenberg ticket. He'd win the Female vote, the German vote, the law enforcement vote, the male perm vote and most importantly: the Awesome vote!

Hillbilly Jim

Getting the blue collar vote is one challenge facing Obama. Another is his foreign sounding name. Hillbilly Jim would balance out both these facts. He's as American as they come, and he can also bring some his family to join Obama's cabinet. Imagine Uncle Elmer as the Health and Human services head. Cousin Luke as the secretary of the interior. The Godwinns as the dual secretary of agriculture. Cousin Junior as Secretary of awesome. This would be a 6 for 1 deal!

David Hasselhoff

With relations with Russia is as cold as ice, why not run with the Hoff to improve relations. He brought down the Berlin Wall, Russian diplomacy will be a breeze. Plus, if Barack is feeling down...what won't cheer some one up like a burger and a cold brew?

This is how we do it!

2008-08-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

A long lost you tube clip of wedding bliss. Viva la dead arm!

Dude of the Week

2008-08-06T19:44:00.001-07:00

It's not everyday someone asks to be Dude of the Week. In fact, there hasn't been a DOTW for a long, long time. But you see that man with the awesome stache? That man asked, and he shall recieve. Congrats Will, I was looking through some pictures and stumbled across this beaut. Enjoy being the DOTW. You deserve it.

Guttenberg the Musical

2008-08-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

Don't get all excited. I did, and it was not worth it. Totally not worth it.

You would think "Guttenberg: The Musical" would naturally be about Steve Guttenberg. False. It is about that other Guttenberg. You know the printing press guy. Or something of the sorts. Whatever, it is not about Steve.

I found out in odd way to say the least. At a local watering hole, a flyer with the headline of the for mentioned play appeared before me. Of course I got all giddy. A play about Gute being Gute, in Hudson no less! But reality came crashing down in the form of a man that looked liked the comic book guy from the Simpsons, but sounded like Perez Hilton.

"It's about Johannes" he quipped and ripped the flyer out of my hand. I was to shocked to offer a clever retort. I couldn't comprehend that it wasn't about Gute. I have since vowed never to see a musical again.

That will be very, very easy.

What Would Chris Gaines Do?

2008-08-03T20:58:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life is a real. A little too real. Take my Tuesday afternoon last week for example.

It was about Four O' Clock, and I was going to drop off a letter at the post office for the Mrs. VP, buy some envelopes and pick up some potting soil. At most a total of 10 minutes right? Wrong. As I opened the door to the garage, I noticed the tire was flat. A victim of the pot holes in Lodi, NY. So I pumped up the tire, and drove off to the tire shop in town. After about 2 and half hours and 80 dollars spent, I was home, agitated at the days events. Agitated at the tire, the pot hole, and the fact that on the TV at the shop I was forced to watch a replay of the Mets blow a game in the late innings (again).

That Evening, I continued to reflect on the events of the afternoon. Then during my reflection, the magic happened. I began to think, naturally, what would Chris Gaines do in the situation? This thought gave me the ease that I was searching for.

It my head, it is pretty easy to think what Chris Gaines would do. First off, he wouldn't waste his time pumping up the tire or going to a tire shop, he would rip off the tire with his bare hands. Then he would find some douche, and take the tire from his care. My guess would be Chris Martin. He would then sell my Saab, and buy a monster truck. He would drive the monster truck to the U.N. building,and perform his version of "I Swear" to the world leaders. They would be so moved, they would ratify the global warming treaty, thus saving the Polar Bear population ergo the world. I am not sure if i used "ergo" correctly, but Chris doesn't have time for grammar.

I am also sure Chris wouldn't buy potting soil, envelopes, or postage stamps.

I can now rest easy.

Beets. Bears. Fall Out Boy.

2008-08-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

Question: Who is that band under the moniker "Schrute Farms" doing a cover of "Walk" by Pantera? Why it is none other than Fall Out Boy!

I have mixed feelings about this clip. As the self proclaimed "5th Member" of FOB, I felt it should have been me, not Keith from Every Time I Die, singing this song. On the other hand, I think it was my constant playing of "Vulgar Display of Power" in the van during the early days that inspired this performance.

Any way you slice it, it is Fall out Boy covering Pantera. Does is get any better than that? Answer: Not Likely.

Will some one please buy me this shirt?

2008-07-30T14:24:00.001-07:00

Tuesdays with Marty - Reason to love the Internet number 1612

2008-07-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were a kid lying awake at night thinking: "I wonder what is on my 4th favorite wrestler, the Ultimate Warrior is thinking about right now?" Well the future is here. The Ultimate Warrior has a blog! That's right, as if the Internet couldn't get any better, we come across this gem! I had no idea he could write, but does he ever. It seems he got quite the education in parts unknown (or was he from Long Island?).

Among the highlights:

-He refers to himself in the third person. The VP likes that.

-He gives his booking agency contact info. So I can have him come over to Valatie and go all steel cage on me!

- Conservative political banter. He is like the right wing Sean Penn.

-Ultimate Warrior Merchandise. It is about time I changed my "Regulate" ring tone.

- Did I fail to mention the words "Ultimate Warrior" and "Blogging"?

Tuesdays with Marty - Josh vs. Scott Hamilton

2008-07-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

I am getting a little sick of Josh Hamilton. I mean, don't get me wrong his story is pretty remarkable. At one time a teenage phenom, he decides to smokes crack and get bad tattoos, hits rock bottom, and comes back to hit 160 homers in the home run derby. Heard the story before? Because I have about a million times. Today. Once is fine, who doesn't love a feel good story? But it's been shoved down my throat so much, I feel kind of like paris hilton. (Insert punch line here...or did i just do that?)

Now lets get to a real story...Scott Hamilton. No I am serious. At first I thought it would be a funny joke, Scott Vs. Josh. But then after doing a little research, I really began to admire Scott. Dude was adopted, had some disease that made him stop growing, was given 6 months to live, survived cancer and a brain tumor. Damn. And no bad tattoos.

So I am going to tip my hat to you Scott. And not only for your perseverance, but that hair. Nice!

Tuesdays with Marty

2008-06-24T18:01:00.001-07:00

Whats that a picture of you ask? Squash. Dead Squash. Mother nature hasn't been kind to the VP. Hail has wiped out much of the crop at the VP's homestead. The beets, the squash, the eggplant...things look dire. I have contacted FEMA about the damage, but so far I have heard nothing. It seems as that a 20 foot by 10 foot garden isn't high on the list of priorities. Hopefully my presidential ties can fix that. But if you are interested in more info, check this out.

Gardening

2008-06-10T17:31:00.001-07:00

I read an interesting statistic the other day. There are over 70 million blogs in the world, and only 15 million have been updated in the past 3 months. Make this 15,000,001.

Why haven't you heard more of us? It is garden season! You see, now that I have moved to the back roads of Valtie, a new way have life has over taken me. Less blogging and Internet, more getting back to nature.

If you would have asked ECP this time last year what I thought of gardens, I would have replied: "Soundgarden Good. Savage Garden Bad". Apparently, I would know as little about gardening as I did about transitions.

But the Valatie homestead has brought many changes to the former ECB and ECP. The Goal? Self Sufficiency in 2 years. The garden is the first step. And this step is moving along nicely. After weeks of tilling, weeding, removing rocks, adding the hummus and (constantly) turning the soil, things look good. The corn is coming up nicely. The Eggplant, Peppers and squash are getting taller by the day. The lettuce is starting to emerge, as well as the beets. That's right the VP is planting beets to be more like this guy.

We have even been composting. I don't even know what that means!

What does the future have in store at the ol' homestead? Self Sufficiency is still a few years away, so I am still going to need the Internet. I can think of worse things.

Tuesdays with Marty - Road Trip!

2008-05-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

A new theme park is opening, and me and Marty couldn't be happier! Marty can't to scream that he needs me on the "Whole lotta Love" coaster. The VP can't wait to check out the daily "Bohemian Rhapsody" set to fire works. We are still arguing where to go to first: The "Keep on Rocking in the Free World" Statue of liberty or "Alice's Restaurant" the, er, Restaurant. Neil and Arlo must be proud.

But there are even more rides and attractions to visit. Among the many highlights that Me and Marty will be remembering for years according to the brochure we received in the mail via the Pony Express:

"Bang on the Drum All Day" Based on the Todd Rundgren classic. There are alot of drums. A whole lotta of Drums.

"Don't Look Back" while you are strapped in a bumper car and Boston's Tom Scholz belittles you for not buying "Stage 4".

"Life in the Fast lane" An Eagles roller coaster spins through what appears to be an abandoned saw mill as the hit song plays. It is said the on Tuesday's Joe Walsh runs the ride.

"Hello, is it me you Looking For?" I can't wait until me and Marty are blindfolded, and try to make a bust of Lionel Richie. Out of cheese.

"Firestorm" the ride. Based on the Crucial Earth Crisis song. You are virtually transported to inner city Syracuse and street by street, block by block see drug dealers, children selling their bodies, demons crazed by greed, and the like all saved and/or destroyed by Howie Long.

"Crazy Train" takes you on an unforgettable journey through the twisted mind of Ozzy Osborne, as collaborated with Rob Zombie.

"Frankenstein". gives you the opportunity to bring your own Edgar Winter like monster to life. It's kind of like build a bear, but with 100 % more albino.

"Nights in White Satin, The Trip" winds through the dark amid psychedelic lights and images set to the 1960s Moody Blue's hit.

"Young Until I Die" Is a freak show of people who are 80 but look to be 9. It takes about 7 Seconds to view.

"In the air tonight". You are in a big tank and get to run over life-like Phil Collins robots.

"Run to the Hills" is an Iron Maiden themed ride that incoporates all the classic images of the hit song..

"Waters Edge", based on the Seven Mary 3 Classic, is a dinner theater murder mystery.

Also, the visitor who can count the most "Blue Cars" in the park lot can bring Dishwala home to live with them.

We just hope that "Chinese Democracy" the ride is open.

Some of these might sound fake, but some are actually real. Can you guess which ones?

Tuesdays with Marty - Marty's guide to surviving the Panic

2008-04-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you read the news papers. Or watch T.V. Or surf the web. Or subscribe to periodicals. Or talk to people. But if you do any of those things, you may have heard reference to a looming recession. This won't be the first, or last time you will here these words. Not in this year, or your life time.

The fact is the economic cycle is, well, cyclical. These panics, recession, downturns or what have yous happen every so often. But just because they are inevitable doesn't mean they aren't painful. But they don't have to be. Why you ask? The answer is Marty.

Marty was president during one of our worst economic downturns, the panic of 1837. But due to his leadership (or in spite of it) America survived, and some would say (but not this guy) thrived, becoming a great nation.

How did America survive? Sacrifice and Hard Work. How does the VP know this? Marty. He was there, and has prospered ever since. So being the great American he is, he has offered some advice. So here it is:

Marty's Guide to surviving the Panic of 2008

Sacrifice. Sadly, that word is lost in most Americans lexicon. Americans are used to excess, and asking them to give up anything is a laborious process. Remember the whole movement to conserve energy in the 70s? I do, and let me tell you something: worked for like a week. I also recall the great gooseberry scare of the 50s. The 1850s. Not fun. I haven't seen riots like that in some time. Thousands Tarred, and not even bothered to be feathered. Americans didn't want to give up gooseberries, even if science determined they cause internal bleeding and violent gas outbreaks.

It is hard to give up things you like. But I have come up with a plan. Americans must give up three things. Just three little things that I feel are important to most, but in reality aren't. My ideas may be out of step, but tough times call for tough measures. Will America be ready for this? Doubtful. But I feel that history will look back at these ideas as brilliant. They always do.

1. Running Water

The VP estimates that his water bill is about 30 dollars enough. Hogwash! Do you know how much water is around him. There are creeks, rivers, lakes, and oceans. O.K. well not oceans. But he could easily take a bucket, dip it into the creek, and BAM! water problem solved. That's what they do in Africa, and last time I checked they were fine. Showers? Overrated. Who needs to wash clothes anyway? They are just going to get dirty again. And instead of washing dishes, how about reusing them? I did it, and I am 226.

2. Cable T.V.

Cable T.V. can run over 1oo bucks a months? And for what. Celebracadabra? Has anyone seen this show? It has celebrities doing magic!!!! Let me repeat that, C. Thomas Howell and Kid from Kid and Play doing magic! Why?!!!! And I won't even get started of the NFL Draft. I think that Mel Kiper been banned as torture for U.S. prisoners.

3. Toilet Paper

According to my Estimates, Americans spend 3, 1o6 dollars on toilet paper a year. You know what we could do instead? Use the pages from Dr. Phil's book. Or the biography of William Henry Harrison ( I have for years). It may hurt a little bit, but part of it feels so good.

There you have it. I have just saved the average American over 5,ooo dollars a year if they follow these tips. I wasn't elected president for just my looks!

Tuesdays with Marty - An open letter to Rob Lowe

2008-04-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

Rob Lowe is on the offensive. And that makes The VP nervous. So nervous in fact, he's gonna ask Marty to sit this one out. But Marty didn't totally sit this one out. He is a lawyer. In fact, he holds the record for most continuous years practicing law at 206 years, give or take a few. I consulted Marty's legal mind, and he suggested I go on the offensive first. So here it is: an open letter to Rob.

Dear Mr. Lowe:

By now, I assume you are very upset. It was only a matter of time before you walked in your closet and asked "where are all my shirts?!" I have admission to make Mr. Lowe. I stole all your shirts. How could I not. Have you seen the enclosed picture? I cannot get that image out of my mind.

The problem, however, is that this picture is over 20 years old. There has not been a suitable revised edition since. Since you have not replied to my numerous request for a re-shoot, I have taken it upon myself to take matters into my own hands. My plan was to steal every one of your 12,116 shirts. Upon your realization that your wardrobe was minus shirts, the plan was for me to capture an image of you shirtless as you exit your humble abode in search of a new one.

But I realized that this was not fair to you. You have worked hard on such movies as "Square Dance" and "Atomic Train". You have earned your small fortune, as well as the admiration from millions of fans around the world. It was unfair for me to take all those hard earned shirts from you.

It wasn't even you I was after. It was never about you. It was always about that image. It is generation defining. The Jacket, the tie, the hair. That look. It screams "the 80s was the pinnacle of civilization". I was hoping to again capture that moment in time. But like "Teen Wolf 3: In search of Stiles", it was not meant to be. That moment was fleeting. I have realized that.

Your Nanny problem must be daunting. You must miss the comfort of your 1,009 silk shirts during this time. It was selfish, as well as misguided, of me to rob (no pun intended) you of this comfort during such a difficult time.

So before you come after me, I am waving a white flag. In a few days, an 18 wheeler with dual trailers will return your shirts to you. I apologize in advance if the delivery person was confused by the address of "Land o' Lowe: the coolest place on earth".

Please refrain from any potential legal action.

Sincerely,

The VP

Tuesdays with Marty - Least Inspirational

2008-04-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

Me and Marty Love Tuesdays! Not only is our (semi) regular blogging day, it is also American Idol time. Anyone who has read my previous blog know my love/hate relationship with the show. But this post is about American Idol, its about Mike Golic. How did we get to this topic? Read on.

Idol's theme this week is "Inspirational songs". For some reason, it got me thinking of some of the least inspirational people out their. And me (and marty) got to thinking of Mike Golic.

It all started with a broken radio antenna. During my morning commute, I would always tune into NPR. Bur since I lack an antenna, I can only get NPR for half my ride. So the other half, I tune into one of the few channels I can receive: ESPN radio.

ESPN radio is one of the reason I have begun to loathe ESPN. It has everything I hate about present day ESPN. Endless promos and advertisement. Short on thoughtful analyasis long on annoying "personalities". And the most annoying? Mike Golic.

Now I didn't much care for Golic before, but now I just can't stand him. His chemistry with Mike Greenburg is about as forced as Kate Moss's bowl movements. His attempt to breakdown any sport besides football is about as deep as Lake Mead. I have some more bad and semi-topical analogies, but I will spare you the pain. But understand this: Mike Golic is boring.

I don't care that you lost weight on nutri-system. I don't care that you were on a soap opera. I don't care that you played for Notre Dame. I don't care that your brother was on Saved by the Bell. I don't care that Greenburg pretends to be impressed that you were in the NFL.

What really annoys me is that this guy will sell anything. Did anyone notice he does a voice over for Domino's, but his show is sponsored by Pizza Hut? That is like Michael Jackson putting out his flaming hair with R.C. Cola. It reeks of...well it just stinks!

Now I don't hate Mike Golic, I am sure he is an all right guy. But what bothers me is he is just all right. I bet about any reader of this blog could do a better job hosting a morning radio show. We just didn't get that all important Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling gig to launch us to fame. If only!

This just in...breaking news...Thevp.Blogspot.com's Martin Van Buren reports that Mike and Mike's new sponsor is Summer's Eve feminine products.

Thank you Mike, for putting me back to sleep in the morning.

Tuesdays with Marty - Got my Drink and my you tube

2008-03-25T15:44:00.000-07:00

Marty is new to this whole 'internet". But he already knows what he likes, and he likes You Tube. What 200 something dude doesn't? Here are some of his (and mine) favorite clips, with commentary. Enjoy!

This clip is great. "Freaks and Geeks" may be the best show in history,and this clip is one of the best. I love the funk!

This may be old, but so is Marty! Hillarious!

Who can pick the best of Mr. Show? This may be it....

This may have been the greatest thing ever to air on MTV...

Or this.

March Madness

2008-03-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

March Madness is upon us. And The VP and Marty are here to help you with your picks. We aren't gonna give you every pick, but are here to offer you some insight as only we can.

UPSETS

Everyone always looks for upsets on their brackets. Who doesn't love when they can brag to the guy in the next cubicle you picked Lipscomb over perennial powerhouse Northwestern? Well me and Marty don't have cubicles, but we have upsets. Among the potential surprises:

Boise State
Baylor
BYU
Siena

Boise State can shoot with the best of them. BYU are still upset about Mitt Romney's failed bid to become the first Mormon president, and are gonna show the world what polygamists can do. Baylor have had a solid year, and how can you not be impressed with the job coach Scott Drew has done. And Siena looks like they have finally have exorcised the ghosts of Marc Brown, and are ready to pull off another upset.

Mr. Mojo Rising

I don't know why this headline was picked, but it has something to do with the teams that are going to Rise to the VP's final four: Wisconsin, Stanford, UNC and UCONN. Wisconsin are always underrated and play solid D. Stanford has two bigmen that can ball. UCONN always has talent. And UNC doesn't even have to leave their state until the final four, which as Syracuse and Kansas have proved can do wonders when you don't have to leave your area.

16 Candles?

Think that I'm gonna tell you my sweet 16 picks? Think again. I just wanted to point out that this movie wasn't that great. Write that down Billy Packer.

What's in a name?

Best nickname? I'm going to go with the Temple Owl's. Best player name? Kevin "Dude" Love. The real dude is still waiting for Cortland to get an at large bid.

Snubbed?

How could "The Cutting Edge" not win best picture? D.B. Sweeney made the world forget about Baby Jessica and the well with that inspired performance. Speaking of D.B., what does D.B. stand for?

Rainbow Connections

The Standford-Cornell match up is intriguing to say the least. Did you know that Watervliet native Leeland Stanford used Cornell as a model when building Stanford, taking several Cornell faculty with him? I smell revenge. Also, Were you aware the original campus for Cornell was at one time going to be built in Romulus? Do you care?

Poetry in Moten

All Jokes about J.J. Reddicks poetry aside, I really think Duke could make some noise. They can shoot the 3 and run with the best of them. I hate to admit it, but me and Marty love to watch them play.

And Finally...

While Brian Lillis and his hair aren't in the tourney this year, ECB is still planning on watching some of the games. Her winner? She like UNC to win it all. A safe pick, but she may have the last laugh. Enjoy the games.

Wednesday with Marty?

2008-03-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

The VP and Marty are still working on picks, check back tomorrow!

Tuesdays with Marty

2008-03-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

New York has elected Governors that have greatly influenced National Politics: FDR, Teddy Roosevelt, William Seward, Dewitt Clinton, John Jay and Grover Cleveland to name a few of the big wigs.

The Empire state has had some lesser know, but still influential leaders: William Marcy, Samuel Tilden, Nelson Rockefeller, Al Smith, Thomas Dewey and Mario Cuomo have all made their mark on the state and national level.

We've had Schenectadians (Joesph Yates) and Valatians (Martin Glynn). We've had P-Funk All Stars (George Clinton) and Pixies (Frank Black). We've had Fusion party members (Myron Clark) and Anti-Rent member (Myron Clark). I don't know what those parties stood for, but I like to think they like Jazz Fusion and dislike the play Rent like me.

There have been a Roswell, Silas, Enos and Hamilton. Those were all first names.

Before yesterday, William Sulzer was the most infamous New York Governor. Well move over Bill, you have company. Bill meet Eliot.

All of America knows Eliot now. He's kind of big deal for all the wrong reasons. I am disappointed that the leader of my state would be so arrogant to think he could break the law and get away with it. I am angry I could vote for such a moron.

But Marty, he's so happy he could burst. When he heard the news, He was so glued to the television he refused to blog. He even missed idol tonight. According to his diluted logic, he's the next in line. Don't forget, even he was Governer at one time.

I am not going to burst his bubble just yet. But when he tries to get me to stage coach ready, I might have to tell him that he misinterpreted the laws. But then again, he's not that bad of an option. We've had worse. You know I just might take up Marty on this stage coach ride. Or at least dictate an angry letter to the editor for him.

Tuesdays with Marty - Quick Hitters

2008-03-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

Want to know what a typical Tuesday coversation is like between the VP and Marty? Here's a taste:

The VP: You hear Favre retired today? What do you think?

Marty: Well my fantasy league won't be the same. I am going to get out of that one that give poistive points for ints.

The VP: Burn. Speaking of things never being the same, how about Brian Lillis graduating for UA?

Marty: I know you are going to miss that hair. But seriously, that cat can ball.

The VP: Iowa has got it going on. Lillis, Brent Wilson, Modern Life is War. We got to check that place out.

Marty: Is that a new territory? Never heard of that place.

The VP: My bad Marty. You know about Fantasy Football, but aren't aware of Iowa. Seems about right.

Marty: I've forgotten more than you'll ever remember. But I haven't forgot your mustache. What was that? You look like some creeppy 30s film star. Like a cross between Clark Gable and Andy Rooney.

The VP: Andy Rooney!? Don't you mean Mickey Rooney?

Marty: No. I don't. Don't question me, I was president.

The VP: O.K., O.K. Calm down. Why don't we end this with one thing we can agree on, American Idol. Who do you like?

Marty: Danny. One word to describe that chick: Fierce.

Tuesdays with Marty - Great Staches

2008-02-26T16:53:00.000-08:00

There have been some great Staches in History:

The Fingers : Classic

The Elliott: Underated

The Selleck: Flawless

Add a new one to the List: The VP

Marty's Take: Well i never had a mustache, but I did have some kicking burns! Huzzah to the VP for the guts to pull it off!

Tuesdays with Marty

2008-02-19T18:57:00.000-08:00

Marty weighs in on the most recent pictorial of The VP's favorite DJ, Lindsay Lohan:

Yesterday, The VP sent me a link on my Blackberry titled "L.L's new joint" and 2 things stuck out in my mind: a. This is not as good as '14 shots to the dome' b. why is this called a Blackberry?

Let me address both my points, starting with the former. First of all, "14 Shots" was one of L.L.'s most under rated joints. "Pink Cookies in a plastic bag being crushed by buildings" is pure genius. And genius is not in Lindsay's vocab after this move (Did I ever tell you I invented comic transitions in 1836?). The (ahem) assets are all right, but the rest is all wrong. Weird Blond Wigs, freckles, and malnutrition are not a sexy combination. My advice to Lindsay is gain 20 pounds, get back the natural hair color, and take up pilates. In fact, I heard the real L.L. put out a fitness book. It's worth a look.

As far as the name 'Blackberry', they should tar and feather who ever invented that name. When I first got one I tried to make jam out of it, and the results were not pretty. After my attempt at pie, the VP informed me what it really was intended for. After a hearty laugh, we decided to make a mincemeat pie instead. It was glorious. But back to my point. Instead of Blackberry, why not go for a more accurate description like 'annoying hand held device that you really don't need but makes you feel important'. You 21st century people are so strange with your names for products. Back in my day, we told you what things were with the descriptions. We didn't beat around the bush. You know what a steam boat was? A boat that ran on steam! It's simple jack asses!

Tuesdays with Marty

2008-02-12T17:35:00.001-08:00

Next Week is President's week. No one is more excited than our own Prez, MVB. This week Marty comments on an interesting tribute to him:

"It's nice to see the public paying tribute to my fraternity of leadership. Presidents day, Presidents week, All the Presidents men...it's all so humbling. I must admit, this display of my red locks is very exciting. Out of all the hair on all the heads, they chose the first 12 of us. If my dictator (is that the correct term for the VP?) had his way it would be more Tom Seleck than Tom Jefferson, but what does he know? he loves Tron for goodness sake. It is nice to think that people are still thinking of me outside of the Kinderhook metro area.

Oh and Why the Mel Kiper Pic? When I start my own hair collection, Mel will be the first in my book. That helemet is sweet!"

Tuesdays with Marty

2008-02-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

It's Tuesday! Time for another sesh with Marty. Today, Becky tells some things that Marty isn't aware of and frankly, isn't very happy about.

" I had a chat with a young woman named Becky today, and it wasn't one I enjoyed. Much has passed me by in the past 200 years. Some of these changes and revelations shocked me more than others. Among the highlights":

Rupaul is a man! Gross!
A black man is running for president
A women is running for president
Women can vote. I might have to soften my image this re-election
This guy's career never took off. Never saw that one coming.
Corey Haim is not running for president...he's "Canadian"
Teen Wolf did not win an Oscar for the coolest movie ever?
Eddie Van Halen is a witch!
People don't eat gooseberries anymore
Flying cars are still years away. According to my calculations, 1984 was "Time for Marty to fly!"
Storm Davis a) never won a Cy Young award b) his name is frickin' 'Strom'
Paul still can't make toast using the internet
Tightrolled jeans aren't in. Time to update the wardrobe
Smoking will kill you? Yeah right, I bet leaches are bad too.
It's OK for dudes to cry. This guy got the memo.
This Paper I'm reading isn't even paper! It's metal!

"The 21st century ain't easy folks"

Tuesdays with Marty

2008-01-29T17:25:00.000-08:00

The Vp presents another installment of "Tuesdays with Marty". This week Marty takes on a familiar topic, the upcoming presidential primaries.

"I don't know much about your modern world with your ipods, mini-deep friers, and this new fangled 'electricty'. Frankly, it scares me a little bit. But nothing scares me more than the individuals vying for my former title. I laid down the foundation of democracy for these idiots kiss babies and make promises they can't keep? I've been watching CSPAN for days, and none of these fools could carry Andy Jackson's snuff box! Here is what i think about our "candidates":

Hilliary Clinton: A women...running for president?! Is this some kind of joke? Who wrote this, Paul Rieser? Next!

Barrack Obama: What ever happened to normal names, like John, William, or Mortimer? You really think Prussia will take us seriously with a guy named Barrack as president?

John Edwards: I like the name. Don't like the haircut. Who says a 250 year old guy can't be topical?

Dennis Kucinich: He reminds me of well...me a "little" bit. But whats his excuse? Mine was a diet that only consisted of gooseberries.

John Mcain: I recall my grandfather talking about drinking an ale with him at our tavern in Old Kinderhook once. Come to think about it, I think he was being considered for my cabinet.

Mitt Romney: I see my persecution of the Mormons didn't work out as planned. I should fire the guy responsible for that.

Mike Huckabee: I like his Chuck Norris Platform. What a great move having Chuck Norris show up at your speeches. That will make people take you seriously. Do they still understand my sarcastic wit in the 21st century?

Ron Paul: I belevie it was Coach Finstock who said in Teen Wolf: "There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese." A cut out line was "Don't vote for a guy with two first names that googles himself".

There you have it- my analysis of the candidates running for president. My advice? Write in Martin Van Buren. I still have one term of eligibility left.

Tuesdays with Marty

2008-01-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

I hear "Tuesdays with Morrie" was quite a read. The VP doesn't do books. But he does do inovation. What is this innovation? Conversations with presidents. Dead Presidents. Dead, dapper presidents. This means none other than my new main man, Martin Van Buren.

So I present you with a new feature to the blogosphere: "Tuesdays with Marty". This is when yours truly, gives Martin a topic, and Marty lets er rip! This weeks topic: Marty learns about MLK day:

"So my new VP (I haven't heard from Dick Johnson in years!) has informed me of a new trend in America: naming holidays after outstanding individuals. He tells me of one Martin (love the first name) Luther King. At first, I though it was named after that 36 thesis chap. But apparently, it is named after a great civil rights leader. The VP says he was a great visionary: a man ahead of his time whos words and ideas still ring true today. I say, I know of a great visionary who deserves a holiday: Me!

Why me you ask? First of all have you ever uttered the phrase "OK"? Well...your welcome! Also, you know that whole modern political party thing? Again, all MVB. And besides, you don't hear references to "The Polk boys" on Seinfeld. Whats the deal with this Seinfeld guy anyway? Is he supposed to be funny? Maybe I'm "behind the times" as you 21st century folks say, but he's no Henry Clay. That guy knew how to deliver a punchline.

Ok, so there was that whole Trail of Tears thing. And maybe I misjudged the whole slavery issue, but whos perfect? Abe Lincoln wore that stupid hat, and they love the bastard!

So I have insisted that the VP lobby on my behalf to get a holiday named after me. I am willing to share with this other Martin. The VP tells me they already named a show after me. A holiday can't be far away, right? They love me!"

Stirring up the pot

2008-01-19T11:20:00.000-08:00

Blogging is all about opinions. Every blogger has them, and The VP is no exception. So this opinion is directed to the people of my new hometown: Valatie.

The VP has been settled in Valatie for about a month. And while their are many great things about this town, one thing is sorely lacking: a roller disco.

I don't know how this town expects to keep the younger crowd without one. What do the kids do with out it? What about the 28 year old with sweet moves? What about the behind the times, tight short wearing, head band clad, jew-fro in tact 40 somethings do to get their rocks off? Honestly, I don't want to know. A town with out a roller disco is like Zac Effron with out an appendix: it just ain't natural.

So I urge the people of Valatie and the surrounding area to work together and get this thing done. It a matter of community survival.

A New Level...

2008-01-16T17:07:00.000-08:00

...Of Confidence. And Power. Such power.

That's right. All Pantera quotes aside, it's a new era. The EC blog is no more. The move from the electric city took all the...well...electric out of the blogger formerly known as ECP. But the cycle of life must go on, and a new blog has taken the place of EC blog.

Why the V.P. you ask? Well, the move from Schenectady to Valatie has brought new inspirations. Our 8th president Martin Van Buren was born in Kinderhook, a stones throw away from the new digs. So in honor of him, I will use a presidential moniker. Plus VP is very close to EC.

This new blog will be inspired from the past and the present. I hope you will enjoy as much as I will.